Have Faith
by Angel of virtue
Summary: Faith is in prison in LA when the visit from an old friend leads her back in to her past to discover a secret of her childhood she had kept locked away. Strong language
1. inside

Disclaimer: I don not own Buffy the vampire slayer and therefore am by no means rich, so no asking to borrow money, you hear?  
  
Faith was running. Her long white dress snagging on the braches as she went past. She looked behind her; he was still following, gaining on her, his eyes filled with hatred and the lust for the kill. Faith tripped and cursed herself for not watching where she was going, desperately trying to get back to her feet. But there he was, leaning over her with death in his whole body. Faith screamed.  
  
"Nooooooo!" she was awake again. Writhing on the floor trying to escape from her tormentor.  
  
"You done?" the woman resting on her elbow with a less than interested expression on her face asked from the top bunk. Faith looked around and calmed down.  
  
"Yeah thanks Elissa"  
  
"oh good, I thought I might have to care for a minute there" Elissa laid back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. Faith sat on the floor for a moment thinking of her dream. It had seemed so real, she was terrified, she hadn't felt fear for so long, and maybe her life was worth living after all. For years Faith was able to deal with any problem that came her way by using violence, but in this dream she had felt so helpless, so afraid. It was disturbing her.  
  
"Elissa?" she thought maybe talking to someone would take her mind off the worry, though Elissa was not exactly sociable.  
  
"Did I mention that I don't care?"  
  
"Oh not that often, just every morning since I've been here"  
  
"Yes and I'm not just saying it for laughs and giggles you know, I really don't give a damn" faith sighed heavily. What was wrong with her? Usually she would have kicked the shit out of Elissa without a thought but now she wouldn't even talk back.  
  
"Bitch" muttered Faith in a desperate attempt to return to her old persona.  
  
"Oh, I'm hurt now. Do you realise what I'm in here for?" Faith was well aware it was mass murder, she was also aware that there was no way Elissa could beat her in a fight. "Oh yeah, I'm sorry, you're a slayer aren't you? Oh how silly of me to think I could beat the crap out of you" Faith couldn't be bothered arguing with her and decided it would be a lot easier if she just shut up. So that's what she did. Five minutes later, a guard walked in the room.  
  
"You got a visitor for you sweetie" he said in the slimiest voice he could muster.  
  
"Oh, these people who say the jail system is fucked up don't have a clue do they?" Elissa replied sarcastically.  
  
"Shut your mouth bitch, I was talking to the hotty here" Elissa did as she was told and shut up, Faith walked out of the door followed by the guard, ignoring the hand he had now placed on her ass.  
  
After a repeated number of frisking which was entirely unnecessary, Faith walked into a room with what looked like numerous phone booths all side by side. Faith sat at the first one and saw Mayor Richard Wilkins sitting opposite her through a pane of bullet proof glass, he was smiling. Faith wanted to smile back to show how happy she was to see him but was too shocked by his appearance to manage it.  
  
"I thought you were dead."  
  
"I could never leave you. My dear Faith. There's so much you need to know" 


	2. an old friend

"H-how can you be here?" Faith stuttered.  
  
"Come on, that's not the faith I know, where's your fire gone?" Faith simply stared at him with wonder "we'll soon get you out of here my dear. Have they been treating you ok? I hear prisons are very unhygienic, I had a mind to bring some bleach in here for you" The mayor let out a childish giggle and looked at Faith as a very proud father would do to his new born daughter.  
  
"I'm not saying I'm not glad to see you, but, it's just the whole you not being dead anymore thing that's kina wigging me out"  
  
"That's more like it, ask away, and if you don't get the answer you want you could always kill me" he giggled again "but I can understand that you're confused. Do you really know what went on when I died?"  
  
"kinda, I hear it was wicked violent, shame I missed it"  
  
"there's that fire" exclaimed the mayor, as if he had just discovered something amazing. "but do you mind if I get serious for a moment?" Faith informed him that she didn't . "you heard about me becoming a snake and getting blown up didn't you?" Faith nodded. "That's my faith, I knew you'd find out. Anyway, as you know I could be killed after I had reached ascension, but a tiny little explosion like that wasn't going to stop me now was it? Of course not, I cling on to life, like you. I should know, I've been doing it for longer than anyone dares to remember. So, after I was "killed", I decided not to draw attention to myself for a while, not that I could have done even if I wanted too, though my mind was intact, my body was very much destroyed. Think of a balloon being popped, that was me, snake carcass everywhere, funny when you think about it, but you wouldn't believe how much of a mess snakes make when they explode. So there I was, unable to move and of course worried sick about you, what would you do if I wasn't there to take care of you? Well, get yourself into prison obviously, I must say I am disappointed in you for that, but I'm sure we can get you out soon. How much time have we got left?"  
  
Faith checked the hospital white clock hanging on the wall "about five minutes"  
  
"I'd better hurry up then hadn't i? so, there didn't seem to be anything I could do, not being able to move is quite hard to get out of without someone else's help and of course there was no-one who even knew I was there, bit of a problem really, what I needed was someone to come and find me, so you can imagine my delight when a group of apocalypse demons came. They weren't particularly intelligent and very easy to manipulate, I managed to convince them to do a tiny little spell for me before they got on with bringing about the end of the world, I won't go into details about it, let's just say lots of blood and ritual sacrifices. Not a pleasant site, honestly, if I'd had a stomach it would have been churning. But to cut a long story short, it brought back my real body and the slayer never got word of it, I was sorry to hear she'd stopped those demons, we'd grown quite attached in that time, all those rituals can really make you bond. So of course you know what my first thought was. You. I had to see my darling Faith. I went to the hospital and they told me you'd woken up, caused quite a stir as I hear. I was ecstatic at this news, you were safe and well, but it did make finding you slightly harder. I searched for weeks, lots of tedious things that would bore you like crazy but I found you and here I am." The mayor smiled at Faith, willing her to say something, but she was dumbstruck.  
  
"I'm so happy to see you" Faith finally said, managing to produce a smile herself.  
  
"You should smile more, it really lights up your face. I know it's not cool but you kids should stop asking so depressed all the time" the mayor said warmly.  
  
"I'll keep that in mind."  
  
"Time's up, time to go back to your cell little lady" the guard called out from the back of the room and began to make his way towards faith.  
  
"No, please, just five more minutes" Faith pleased but was interrupted by the mayor.  
  
"No no faith, they have to have rules, I have to leave now" Faith looked like a child who had just got a lump of coal for Christmas and not the bike she had always wanted. "I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise" and with that he left, making Faith be escorted back to her room where Elissa was waiting with more sarcastic comments and Faith with many unanswered questions. 


	3. losing it

Faith spent the next few day's inside her own mind. She hadn't felt this happy since the first time she had met the mayor but she was also very confused. How did he manage to do a ritual which seemed to involve so much death without Buffy knowing? Buffy knew everything. In this time frame he would have been there for nearly a year, surely Buffy would have gone back to check he really was dead; she didn't seem like the type to leave something like that, from what faith had seen she was annoyingly persistent. All this puzzled Faith and coupled with the wait for the Mayor to return, as he had promised, made her head hurt. Even Elissa seemed slightly worried about her wellbeing (well, as worried as Faith had ever seen her, her expression was slightly less threatening than usual). When after two days The Mayor had not returned, Faith began to worry. What if Buffy had found and killed him again? What if angel had? What if he had forgotten about her and then when he did remember decided she wasn't worth the hassle anyway? All these things seemed plausible to some extent but Faith concentrated on the latter. To her it didn't seem possible that Buffy or angel could have beaten the Mayor, he was too brilliant to let that happen, so why wasn't he back yet? Why hadn't he got her out of there yet? This was all getting on top of her and she suddenly lost it and kicked the wall with all her strength sending fragments of plaster flying across the room.  
  
"Are you ok?" Elissa asked with not very well masked concern.  
  
"five. By. Five" Faith replied, accentuating each word with another unnaturally strong kick. More plaster came from the wall and the concrete was beginning to crack. Faith's foot was bleeding and it was obvious she had broken her toes but she didn't care.  
  
"Whatever you say" Elissa went back to the magazine she was reading but the fact that it was the wrong way round gave away the fact that she really did care about what Faith was doing. What she was doing was something she hadn't done for as long as she could remember. She was crying. Unable to hide her interest any longer, Elissa spoke.  
  
"What has the wall done to you?"  
  
"Screw the wall, what has it done for me?" Faith answered, trying to keep the sadness from her voice.  
  
"Ok, so you're mad at a wall cause it hasn't done anything for you? And they think I'm psychotic"  
  
"Don't you get it? He's forgotten me. He doesn't care. Well screw him, screw the wall, screw this fucking prison and screw you" Faith shouted incredibly loudly and collapsed to the floor.  
  
"You are a crazy bitch aren't you?" Elissa asked innocently. "Who's he?" Faith began to bang her head repeatedly against the wall until it began to bleed.  
  
"Someone who doesn't care and who my life's worth living for. Without him, I might as well die, I can't take this anymore. Besides, I thought you didn't care either?"  
  
"I don't, I'm just curious. Good look with the suicide thing by the way, I'm sure you'll be real good at it" Elissa went back to her magazine once more and this time really read. Faith continued to bang her head against the wall until the door opened.  
  
"Faith, you got a visitor." The guard looked at her on the floor "hey, what the fuck do you think you're doing?" 


	4. breakout

"Oh come on, you know you want me, let me go and I'll be all yours." Faith was straddling the guard, trying to convince him to let her see the visitor she had, this seemed to be the only way.  
  
"Rules are rules I'm afraid, look at what you did to the wall" he vaguely gestured in the direction of the beaten up wall to prove his point.  
  
"Please. If you let me go I'll be ever so good and you can be ever so bad to me" Faith said and planted a passionate kiss on the young guard's lips. "You like that don't you? You want me, I can tell. You can have me." Faith whispered into the guard's ear. Elissa was sat on the top bunk, watching, intrigued. All that was missing was the bag of popcorn to make the scene truly complete.  
  
"Ok, I'll let you go this one time, but you know the condition right?"  
  
"Of course" Faith kissed him once again to show she really did understand and then stood up; following the guard out of the room as he smugly adjusted his clothing.  
  
"Have fun" Elissa shouted sarcastically and lay back down, not bothering to watch the door being locked behind her.  
  
Faith strode confidently into the room and searched around for the mayor's smiling face as she was being frisked. There he was. At the same booth he had been in last time and smiling. Of course he had no idea of what Faith had been through but she still felt angry at him, though she could not help but smile back at him, despite how much she wanted to remain mad.  
  
"Where have you been?" Faith asked as soon as she picked up the phone, trying to keep the happiness out of her voice.  
  
"I am sorry Faith; I just had some business to attend to, but I'm here now" he leant forward to say something secret, though it made no difference to the sound Faith got through the phone, he whispered. "It's time to get you out of this house of ill repute."  
  
At that moment, a group of unknown demons burst through the doors and the bodies of two guards were visible through them. The demons were each about seven feet tall and incredibly bulky. They had a diamond shaped scar on their forehead, as if it had been burnt on and the most noticeable thing was that below this scar, there were no eyes. And below where the eyes should have been there was no nose, just a huge mouth with scarily white teeth. From the mouth of one of the demons, a swirl of green light emerged, growing larger by the second. The guards at the end of the room were stunned and completely stationary. The green light burst forth from the mouth of the demon and cleanly broke through the bullet proof glass. The mayor calmly handed Faith a gun through the glass-less hole.  
  
"Here faith, I thought you might like to do the honours" he giggled, obviously delighted. Faith took the gun and felt the cool trigger for a moment, she lifted it and smooth black pistol at the guards.  
  
"You thought I'd screw you huh? You're fucked! You're all fucked!" she shouted, emphasising the amount of humour in this thought.  
  
"Now now Faith, I don't think that kind of language is necessary" the mayor said, disappointed.  
  
The guards were still dumbstruck and unable to move. Faith took a moment to savour the look of fear on their faces, they looked so lost, so childlike, she pulled the trigger. There was a satisfying splat against the wall and then one of the guards slumped to the floor. She pulled the trigger once again and the same happened with the other. Faith laughed sadistically.  
  
"Be right back; just wanna get something before we leave." Faith rushed off out of the room, gun in hand.  
  
"Those girls, can't ever leave anywhere without their home comforts can they?" the mayor chuckled to the dead bodies on the floor.  
  
Faith walked past the other guards without stopping and calmly blew their brains out without a moment's glance. Apparently they either hadn't heard or didn't care about the noise coming from the room faith had been in. Faith took a set of keys on a large iron hoop from one of the guards and headed straight for her own cell. She unlocked the door.  
  
"Elissa, get your scrawny little ass out of here, where escaping." Elissa jumped down from her bed and shrugged her shoulders calmly.  
  
"cool" the two girls walked down the corridor together, looking purposeful. Two mass murderers, not stopped by any authority. "cool" Elissa repeated.  
  
"Very" 


	5. worries

"So who's your friend Faith?" the mayor, faith and the group of demons were now in a large black van driving along an unknown road to an unknown place. Elissa had been knocked out by one of the demons as soon as she had been seen. Though they looked impressive, they weren't exactly intelligent. The mayor was looking at Faith happily in the back of the van along with Elissa and some of the demons, another driving very ineptly making Faith extremely nervous. Surely someone would pull them over because of the driving and realise who faith was. Of course they could just be killed but what then? It astonished her how much she had changed; she actually cared about whether she was on the run for the rest of her life.  
  
"Faith?" the mayor inquired again. Though Faith had heard his question, it had not exactly registered in her brain.  
  
"Oh, sorry. She's just a girl who I shared my cell with. Not really a friend, more the thorn in my side I couldn't bare to leave behind. Name's Elissa." Faith began to wish the mayor would stop staring at her like that; she was beginning to get slightly unnerved and wishing she was back in prison, doing her time.  
  
"What's wrong with me?" she suddenly asked. "And where are we going?" the mayor seemed slightly taken aback by this question and had to think for a moment before answering.  
  
"What do you mean my dear?"  
  
"I-I feel so bad about killing those men, I'm worried about what will happen, I feel like crying. I don't cry, it's not me. Buffy's the emotional slayer, I'm the bad egg remember?" faith held back the tears welling up inside her, she could not appear weak in front of the mayor. Again, he took a while to think before answering.  
  
"I think he did something to you, that vampire, the one with a soul. Made you weak. We'll make him pay wont we? And we'll get you back to your normal killing self in no time." This answer satisfied Faith and she immediately knew that now she was back with the mayor everything would be alright. She didn't need to know where they were going. She trusted him absolutely and she didn't understand why she was questioning his intentions so much. He was like a father to her, one that didn't screw around with numerous women and leave her to take care of her alcoholic mother. The kind that would come to softball practise and buy her nice things. That knife. The knife that had left her in a coma. The knife that had stopped the ascension. That had been a gift from her father figure and look what good that had done. She pushed this thought to one side, feverently telling herself that he was the only one she had, he would never hurt her. So why was there still this thought niggling at her? Telling her not to trust him? Her train of thought was interrupted by a muffled groan coming from the ground where Elissa was waking up.  
  
"Where the fuck am i?" she exclaimed. Bolting upright then clutching her head in pain.  
  
"We wont be having any of that language young lady, If you're coming with us you're going to have to control your potty mouth or you'll be out of this van before you can say gavrok" the mayor said, looking very stern yet still with an eternal warmth in his eyes.  
  
"Faith, what's going on here? Who is this guy?" Elissa turned to Faith in an exasperated fashion.  
  
"we're out of that hellhole, that's all we need to know." Faith shrugged.  
  
The van suddenly halted sending Faith rolling on the floor and hitting her already injured head. The demon turned round and began to make impossible noises which sounded distinctly like French. The mayor replied in the same tongue then turned to the girls lying on the floor in front of him, looking delighted.  
  
"well girls, we're here" 


	6. the great escape

Faith slowly clambered out of the back of the van, squinting as the harsh sunlight hit her eyes. The mayor was already out and standing with an air of glory, soaking up the rays of light. Elissa sat in the back of the van, refusing to move.  
  
"I'm not coming out until you tell me where the hell I am." Elissa shouted at no-one in particular. The mayor sighed heavily and said something in the demon's language, one of the demons stepped into the van, approaching Elissa menacingly. The petite girl began to kick out with her legs in a humorous way; it was obvious she could never win against this monster and this thought seemed to dawn suddenly on her. She cowered in a corner, eyes closed in fear. An ear piercing scream shattered the nervous silence and the demon stopped in it's tracks, looking extremely confused. Elissa ran. She dodged past the bewildered demon and all the others, equally as nonplussed as to where the sound came from. The mayor didn't have time to react and Faith didn't want to stop Elissa's freedom. Elissa ran along the bumpy dirt track ahead of her and away into a forest nearby.  
  
"What are you just standing around here for?" the mayor shouted, his smile now gone. "Follow her!" realising the demons didn't understand, he repeated what must have been the same message in their tongue and they immediately came to their senses. As if waking from some type of trance and began to run in the direction Elissa had gone, going very fast for their size.  
  
"Faith, why are you standing around here too?" The mayor asked, still angry but in an I'm-doing-this-for-your-own-good kind of way. "Shouldn't you be helping the others out?" Faith looked towards the direction Elissa had gone, seeing vague rustlings among the trees every now and then, then looked back to the mayor, expressionless.  
  
"I don't know if I can do this anymore" she stated simply, as if it was just a fact, like saying that one plus one is two or that she had dark hair, though this was just a defence mechanism to stop her feeling too much. The mayor knew this too.  
  
"My dear Faith. Have Faith." The mayor took a moment to congratulate himself on this pun "but seriously, we'll get you back to your normal fiery self before you know it. Right now we just have to take care of this little troublemaker you've landed us with here." Faith began to feel immensely guilty for causing so much trouble.  
  
"I'm sorry" Faith said, the words feeling strange in her mouth. It felt like the first time since she was a child that she had said those words and meant it. The mayor, however, just looked disappointed.  
  
"No, don't be sorry. The old you would never have cared about causing all this trouble, you'd have been happy about it." 


	7. a colourful tapestry

Faith didn't know what to say, why didn't she run? what had kept her still, she would never have held back before, maybe prison did change people or maybe it was something else. 

The demons had quickly returned with an unconscious Elissa, not paying much care to how they handled her, she was cut and bruised (though that was expected). What Faith hadn't expected was the look on her face when she woke up, unable to speak, just a look. Faith could almost hear what Elissa wanted to say, it was as if she was speaking into Faith's head, telling her she should have left her in prison to rot. For the second time today, after years of abstaining, Faith felt sorry. Truly sorry but couldn't find a way to express that, it was so new, the word just didn't seem good enough.

The mayor entered the room. They were in an old house by the woods, very beautiful, ivy climbing the old brick walls, almost ironically living in a place where Elissa felt she could die. The room Elissa and Faith were being held in was again, very pretty. Old oak beams lined the white washed ceiling and the furniture was aged and luxurious. The mayor sat himself down on the throne-like chair at the end of the room and remained in silence, waiting for someone to speak. When no-one did, he took it upon himself to be the first. 

"Not very chatty are you girls?" the smile he had held previously had disappeared to be replaced by a look of overwhelming disappointment. 

"Please don't hate me." Faith muttered, almost afraid to breach the subject.

"hate you?" the mayor laughed good heartedly "I couldn't hate you Faith, I knew things would be different at first, but you'll be back to normal soon, you'll see."

"How's that gonna happen?" Faith wanted something concrete, she couldn't trust the mayor unconditionally anymore, though she wasn't sure why.

"I'm glad you asked." he got up and strode over to faith, pulling her up from where she was seated on the floor, she rose willingly. "you are going to be you again, you're like a daughter to me and what kind of father would I be if I couldn't help?"

"But how?" Faith felt like a child again, she was handing her life over to someone and she knew it, but it felt better, her head felt lighter and she wasn't worried anymore. 

"Come with me, I'll show you." she followed, not knowing where they were going but anxious to get there, curiosity taking over, he seemed so sure.

The corridor's were adorned with rows of portraits, all large and old and slightly to much in the beautiful yet relatively modest accommodation. Neither the mayor nor Faith had said a word and neither felt it was necessary, they both somehow knew that if anything important needed mentioning, it would be, until then they were happy in comfortable silence. Faith's footsteps made a satisfying sound as the wooden floor came in contact with her boots and it had almost hypnotic powers. She thought back to the ritual she used to perform every night as a child, she would walk through every room in the house, stomping heavily to the rhythm of her heart beat, when asked why she did this she always replied that it was to frighten the monsters away, though in reality it was an attempt to get someone to acknowledge her existance. Monsters didn't scare her, they were only a physical threat, Faith could handle them, it was the emotional problems she couldn't, the feeling of loneliness when her mother was drinking, there was no-one else. Faith was drawn back to reality by the sound of a door opening., she had almost walked into it as she was in her own world, she had just been walking without an aim, the corridors were long but usefully straight.

"In here." the mayor said simply, not waiting for any acknowledgement that he had been heard before entering. Faith began to get worried for a moment, she didn't know what he was going to do, but she remembered who he was and forced herself to trust, breathing deeply before entering the door.

Inside she found nothing of the rest or the house's splendour. It was a plain, undecorated room, bare stone showing with nothing to cover it but threadbare tapestry at the far end. The only thing apart from this tapestry and herself in the room was a staircase, the mayor was nowhere to be seen. Faith assumed he had gone down the stairs but before she followed, something on the tapestry caught her eye. She idly wandered over to it, feeling the incomprehensible need to keep quiet in case it disappeared. It was obvious that a few hundred years ago, this over-glorified rug would have been magnificent. Brightly coloured, perfectly made, but years of wear had made the colours face and patches of it were missing. What had caught Faith's eye in the first place, she didn't know, but what caught it now was one tiny detail in the upper left hand corner, a girl, herself, unmistakably so. The stitching was very well done but the likeness was crude at best, still, there was no doubt in her mind who it was. Looking over the rest of the tapestry, another thing struck her, every figure on it was a girl, all in their mid to late teens and all dead. Faith herself was lying upon the ground, what would have been vibrant blood red, now a pale pink surrounding the pale body. She stared at in with a mixture of horror and wonder when she saw another recognisable face, Buffy. She was falling, though there was no indication of what from. She didn't know how long she stood there, but it had her transfixed, her mind seemed blank except for the pictures, a look of horror and surprise on each of the girl's eerily expressive faces.

"I thought that might delay you." a voice from behind Faith whispered in her ear. She turned round in shock to see the mayor smiling at her.

"I-I'm sorry, let's get going." Faith stuttered, almost embarrassed to be caught looking.

"Don't you want to know more about this?" the mayor gestured roughly in the direction of the tapestry, Faith simply nodded. "It is called the slayer tapestry, for reasons which I would imagine are obvious. It was made around five hundred years ago by a group of witches, they had amazing powers of foresight and were imprisoned here for their own safety and the safety of others. It is said that a slayer died on this spot, where this building was built for the witches to spend their lives in comfort. Apparently the spirit of the dead slayer came and interfered with the witches' predictions, causing them to make this tapestry, none of them knowing what a slayer was. It depicts every slayer's death, but none past you and Buffy. The witches died before it could be completed, but some say that is not the reason for it ending with you, it is, however, not for us to speculate on such things. Shall we leave?" Faith nodded numbly and followed the mayor down the steps without another word, contemplating the tapestry and how it depicted her death. She could tell she wouldn't get this out of her mind for a while. 


	8. youthful harm

"Are you ready?" the mayor looked at Faith, concerned. His eyes betraying the worry he felt, he was unsure about the actions but it was obvious he wanted his old Faith back. Faith nodded half-heartedly, unsure herself but unable to deal with what she was feeling. It was a lot easier when she felt no remorse, could kill without a thought. Now all there seemed to be were thoughts troubling her. 

The mayor had been through what he was going to do twice, making sure she would do it, almost willing her not to. It was dangerous, she had been made fully aware of that, not physically dangerous, if it was she would not have been worried anyway, physically she was near unbeatable but mentally. She could come out changed forever, but it was a chance she was willing to take, she already didn't feel right in the slightest. 

"You understand?" Faith nodded once more, wishing he would just get on with it, the sooner she could face the danger the better, she would have to think about it less.

"Okay" he said after what seemed like a lifetime of silence. "Close your eyes, I'm not going to lie to you, this will hurt." Faith closed her eyes, waiting for the pain. When it came it was a bit of a let down, it was just pain, it didn't make her feel anything but vaguely pissed off. Before she had time to show bravado by making a sarcastic comment about the strength of the hit, she was gone. 

Darkness encompassed her until it turned into light, contrasting against the blood she could see in her line of vision, the crimson droplets almost painfully noticeable against the pure white. The whiteness faded to leave a scene tinted with blood, not quite real, as if seen through a camera lens. Nothing was moving but the eyes of the people In the picture seemed very much alive, though Faith couldn't explain why. 

She could see a room. A kitchen though one not too well looked after, the cupboards were broken and stained with years of food being thrown at them, the table in the middle had a leg missing and as such was perched precariously on the other three, all of which looked about ready to fall off themselves. Faith recognised this place of course, it was her old house. The thing that was most recognisable though was the woman seated at the table, slumped over on her arms, hair encrusted with a mixture of blood and vomit and the little girl in the corner staring. Tears in her eyes not being allowed to fall, feeling helpless. Faith knew this scene all too well, it was the very image of her childhood and it brought tears to her eyes again. Suddenly, the younger Faith's head turned to see her older self, a look of recognition passed across her face for a moment before being once again overtaken by sadness. 

"Are you here to take me away?" the little girl asked, her dark eyelashes sticking together with tears, all too quickly wiped away. Faith was very taken aback by this.

"No." she answered simply, feeling this response was insubstantial but nothing else came to mind. She was speaking to herself and yet she felt she couldn't identify with her. This little girl wasn't her, it couldn't be, but it was.

"Are you going to take her away then?" the young Faith asked, her whole self almost pleading, she couldn't bring herself to call her mother. 

"No." again Faith felt guilty that she couldn't offer any more words of comfort, but she was lost. This was all she remembered from being a child, these feelings were so familiar and yet she still didn't know how to comfort her self. The little girl stared at Faith for a moment, willing her to say something more but eventually gave up and instead didn't acknowledge her presence. Faith still didn't know what to do. Give her a vampire or demon any day, she could handle them, humans on the other hand were truly terrifying. 

"What's happened?" Faith said finally, knowing full well what the story would be but asking nonetheless. 

"This." the girl said simply, holding up an empty vodka bottle and throwing it against the wall in anger, one of the shards hit the older her and Faith found a gash in her cheek from the hit. Not a single word of apology was allowed from the child's mouth and she continued to stare at her mother, a mixture of love and hatred clearly shown on her face, exasperation overcoming her until a single tear escaped her young eyes. She seemed furious at herself for letting it happen and almost ran to the drawer in panic, grabbing a sharp knife and lifting up her sleeve, revealing deep cuts and scars. Faith ran over to her younger persona and angrily snatched the knife away.

"Give that back!" she screamed, strangely formidable for her young age and small stature. Faith knew about what she had done to herself when she was young of course, she just hadn't realised how shocking it was. This girl in front of her only looked about seven and yet here she was, carving into herself with a knife when things got tough, at the time she had never realised how young she was. 

"No." replied Faith calmly, beginning to feel like a broken record. "I'm not going to let you hurt yourself."

"It's either you or me." the girl was serious, but Faith just burst into laughter.

"and how old are you exactly?"

"I'm gonna be seven next week." the girl answered, her face betraying her youth while her eyes betrayed what she had been through in her very short years. "don't laugh, I may be young but I'm a hell of a lot tougher than you think." Faith didn't doubt that one bit, it was her after all.

"I know you are, but so am I."

"Who are you?" this question had only just occurred to her, it was obvious that she was used to strange people turning up at the house, usually some of her mother's work mates or 'clients'. 

"Funny you ask that." Faith said with a smile. 


	9. a sin all her own

Faith finished talking and was immediately hit with a punch in the stomach. It was enough to wind her, sending her to the floor and breathing heavily. It seemed like so long since something like that had brought a tear to her eye that it was almost a good experience. Almost. The younger Faith stood above her, eyes flaming with unhidden rage and a passion for the pain she had just caused. She no longer seemed so young, it was as if she had become old and embittered all with the action of one fist.

"Bitch" she said simply, this one word dripping with venom which should have been for a whole essay. "Do you really think I'm that stupid? You're one of her friends aren't you? You all like to tease me."

"No, I'm telling the truth." Faith was again lost for words but seemed to find them as soon as thoughts of the mayor came into her head. "I'm here to find myself, you're her, you're who I should be and i want to be you again."

"and you expect me to believe that?" The young girl's face contorted in incredulous anger as she began to shout. "You gave me hope! I thought you might be here to take me away from this shit hole and then you start to spout some crap about being me from the future? I know I'm young but I'm a hell of a lot less gullible than you seem to think. Don't you dare fuck with me! You've only had a taste of what I could do to you!"

Faith couldn't take this anymore, she was older, she was stronger, but she was her. The little girl, so strong yet so vulnerable was her and as much as she wanted to beat the crap out of her, she couldn't. she could remember how it was now, the human mind has a great ability to repress things but it wasn't far enough. Her subconscious had decided it was time to bring all these things to the forefront again and as much as Faith tried to prevent their appearance they were as stubborn as she was and refused to be held back. Memories were painful, but pain was calming in a strange, almost masochistic way. She was so used to being in control, it was nice to let something else just take over for a while, to be out of control. As much as she always liked to believe all the killing wasn't her fault, she knew deep down that it was always instigated by herself. There was nothing else forcing her into it, it was always her and that realisation cause her to stop. The memories stopped flooding in for a moment and she realised. Her childhood couldn't be blamed for the way she turned out because she had forgotten half of it. A few disappointed Christmases and mother's alcoholism had managed to slip through the net, but in all her life hadn't been influenced by it. The repression made that impossible. Everything she had done, what she had become had been all of her own doing, she was back in control.

"Listen you little bitch, you may be strong but I can bet that I'm a hell of a lot stronger, you may be me but it doesn't mean I can't beat the crap out of you. Now, what you're gonna do is, you're gonna listen to me and you're gonna accept what I'm telling you, cause if you don't I don't think we'll get along. I could do with a little bag of shit like you as a punch bag." The younger Faith looked almost frightened for a moment before the expression on her face broke up and she began to laugh uncontrollably. 

"Well if you put it like that sure I'll believe you. I know i wouldn't be that damned nice." she spluttered between giggles. Faith realised the look before wasn't fear, it was awe. She had gained her own respect by threatening. She was amazed at how little she knew herself.

Faith smiled at herself and then looked towards the table where a groaning sound had just come from. The woman at the table had just woken up, her head obviously in pain. She seemed to be completely out of it yet aware of someone else's presence in the room. Faith approached her and she looked up, eyes squinting in an attempt of recognition. 

"You." she said, pausing for breath. "You were in my dream." faith smiled kind heartedly at her for a moment before tightly embracing her.

"Mommy!" she said childishly after releasing her mother. The smile faded from her face and turned into an expression of hardened lack of sympathy. She looked at her mother's battered and pallid face for a moment before punching her hard in the face. Her mother's head quickly fell once more to the table in a drunken and beaten stupor. 

"I hate you." Faith said to her, though knowing she was unable to hear it.

"Wow, you really are me!" the girl exclaimed, surprised.

"let's get the hell out of here." Faith grabbed her hand and lead her out of the door, the docile girl closely in tow. 


End file.
